Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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