I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
