She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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