I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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