I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
