it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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