Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
