and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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