so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
