Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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