doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
