It's Friday. Sex?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
