She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
