Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
that may or may not have been my penis.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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