so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
