dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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