Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
