he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
