Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
