Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
