I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
