So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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