Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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