i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
