You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
