what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
