I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dear god my vagina.
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