I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
