I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
