when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
