i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
