Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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