the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
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