Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is the high leading the old right now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
