____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
