Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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