I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
