I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
