I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
