Kiss
Puke
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
