i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
