There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
