i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ladies don't puke and tell
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
