Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
