My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
