I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
