So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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