I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
