theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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