She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
