the condom got lost in my hair
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
