By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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