allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
