we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
