I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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