i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
