At least make sure they are 18
Why
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
