True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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