so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
