its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
