I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
