so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
