shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
