xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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