My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm just crazy horny about you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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