Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
