I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
